sian.. these few days being feeling kind of :/
very uncertain about my future and some other stuff.. some ppl say i change alot this year.. sometimes when i think about it i wonder if it's really my work or rather the nature of my work that caused it.. idk after all it's an entertainment spot.... sighs.. this is why i don't like to be alone.. when i'm alone i think too much and make myself more and more emo only... that's why i like to keep myself as busy as possible.. i once told someone if only my life is just everyday wake up, go work, then come back too tired to do anything just straight away go sleep jiu hao le.. today one of my friend told me i'm a workaholic and i work so much that i have very little chance to meet up with my other friends.. i felt quite bad sia cos my life is only about work that i don't have time for anything else :(
i dunno la sometimes i wish i can just stay young forever and not grow up.. life is too complicated for me. sigh why can't everyone just be very good friends and there's no such thing as bgr.. i don't want to speculate but i hate it when you keep mentioning xxx but yet i can't tell you how i really feel cos i'm scared of the answer you'll give me and i think i don't even understand you. i don't think i've got the energy to keep on trying.. sometimes i listen to songs that remind me of you i have to deliberately skip them.. idk and i don't want history to repeat itself so i keep telling myself i have to be extra careful and i don't want to be hurt a second time... but sometimes i guess i just cannot help it :( it is really very hard to forget someone who gave you alot of good memories.. i hao bu rong yi slowly recover from the pain and i don't think i wanna be hurt a second time
my body is like getting weaker and weaker everyday idk why.. maybe cos of irregular meals and everything.. injured two of my fingers ytd while i was caught in the flood :( it still hurts very badly up till now sigh.. and seem to keep coughing easily these few days sian.. shouldn't have smoked so much in genting.. quite regret.. sometimes i know some of the things that i'm doing are stupid and harmful to myself but yet i still do it i dunno why.. maybe cos it helps to numb the pain i'm feeling.. my parents will never know when i just say got fan nao they will not believe.. feel like got nobody to turn to except my bro sometimes but then again, i can't tell him everything i'm feeling... i hate it when people have double expectations of me.. i'm also a human what.. so what even if i'm entering uni.. i must be some guai guai nerd and have no life ah? fuck you sia _|_